We have been dealing with a really crappy situation for the last 2 years with my hubby’s grandparents. Both are in their 80s, and until recently were living in their own home. They originally had a pair of caretakers who came in to help change Grandma, get her into her wheelchair, run basic errands, cook meals, refill pill boxes, etc.
Then, Grandpa chose just one of those women to take over the caregiving. She moved into their home, bringing her daughter and infant granddaughter along. That was the first in a series of really unprofessional actions that unravelled their whole lives. It has progressed into a textbook case of elder financial fraud.
Soon after this arrangement began, my sister-in-law discovered $20,000 on credit card statements in recent purchases at places like Victoria’s Secret and jewelry stores. Grandma never wore any of these new jewels, and we had our suspicions that neither was she wearing the lingerie (she relies on Depends for goodness sakes!). The caretaker eventually admitted that she had let things run into excess by buying personal items using their credit cards, but that she was aware of the problem and would not let it happen again. Grandpa had apparently condoned these purchases, because he now thought of these people as his family (which is hilarious, because at any point previous in his life, he never would have simply given money to any actual family member, nor spent so lavishly).
It progressed to the point where the caretaker cleaned out all of their accounts, had powers of attorney in her name, opened accounts at other financial institutions to hide the money flow, and brainwashed Grandpa into believing the family was out to take everything from him and put them into a nursing home.
Sadly, that is now exactly where they have landed. Grandma and Grandpa’s electricity was turned off due to lack of payment. There was a stack of bills on their table of all the utilities and other bills that have remained unpaid for months. There was no money left in any accounts the family knew of, and they had NO money to buy food. The only car they had owned had long ago been traded for two newer (heavily-financed) cars by the caretaker; one was reposessed, the other was “loaned to a friend” by the caretaker, and the caretaker was now gone for days at a time. We discovered that she was bipolar (off her meds now), and a former addict who was supposedly attending daily meetings.
The state intervened on Grandma’s behalf, and removed her from the home the day the electricity was turned off. After over a year of us trying to get the Adult Protective Services/Elder Abuse unit to take action, it took things devolving to this horrible point before anyone– including state authorities– could do anything. Grandpa is legally allowed to spend their money and hire help as he sees fit until there is clear evidence that he is consistently making endangering choices. The state and even a family physician will not declare someone incompetent until it is rampantly, consistently clear that they are basically an invalid and they are permanently unable to make valid financial decisions. The caretaker made sure she answered questions for Grandpa during his doctor visits, and he learned to always deferred to her.
To this day, Grandpa still defends the caretaker and won’t admit that anything is wrong. From what little we know at this time, she bilked them of their entire life savings (over $500K), and they no longer have any means of supporting themselves. The money is completely GONE. The D.A. in the county can’t/won’t prosecute with all the evidence we have collected now that my mom-in-law has been granted custodianship.
The sad thing is: Grandpa blames the family for removing Grandma from the home, even though we were legally powerless to do anything on their behalf while this situation developed. APS got involved due to the caretaker’s inattention and the no-electricity situation, so they assumed care for her. Grandpa refuses to accept that we were always trying to protect them from the very outcome he so dreaded. Now, the only way we can protect them both from this abuser is to put them somewhere with controlled access that can still meet their physical needs. You guessed it…. a nursing home. Grandma is too weak for home care.
I hope that if you have a family member involved in an outside-your-home elder care situation, you insist on contracting with a licensed, bonded caretaker agency. Quite a hassle and potentially expensive? Perhaps.
I assure you, the financial cost will come nowhere close to the compounded emotional and financial toll a disaster of this magnitude imparts across every generation in a family. It is scary when an elderly person’s mind stops working rationally, and they have already given all control to a person who does not have their best interests at heart. I saw it happen with my Dad, and again with Grandma and Grandpa. Such fraud is one of the most despicable crimes a person can commit to an otherwise trusting, needy, adult individual, and you will find that the law, unfortunately, is NOT on your side should things turn ugly.
